I've always found September to be kind of a cathartic month.  The start of Autumn.  The start of school.  Saying good-bye to seemingly endless summers and another year of childhood.  This year seems especially poignant.  River turned 4 months yesterday and I already find myself mourning his babyhood.  He's not my little newborn anymore, all small and wrinkled and old-man like.  He's blossoming into infant-hood and has a personality all his own.  I sometimes feel overwhelmed by all of the things I promised myself I would do this time around...send out official welcoming announcements, preserve his footprint in plaster, document every day of his life with a journal or photo.   Lately, it's all that I can do to make sure that everyone is clean and fed by the end of the day!  Sage is also going to first grade and is no longer my "baby".   First grade is the start of homework and spelling and math and a classroom with desks and no longer tables and play centers.  Barrett and Triston are getting older too, this is Triston's last year of elementary school.  He'll be off to middle school next year and is already planning on riding his bike and going to the store on his own.  This is probably the last year that all of the kids will believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.  Somehow, I just never figured this would happen.  I watched other families grow and their children get older, but somehow I always thought in the back of my mind that my kids would stay...little.   With summer coming to a close, I guess I'm just feeling overly sentimental over everything.  I just want to hold onto them with all of my mama-power and keep them snuggled and innocent and small.  River, don't grow up too fast.  I'm just not ready yet.

Baby Zen #1: Sleeping is just more peaceful when you can feel someone else's heartbeat.

Yesterday I was overwhelmed with the minutia of everyday life and getting three kids dinner while River was overtired and ready for bed.  I kept trying to put him down to sleep in his bassinet.  Each time I did, he would start screaming a second later, so I would pick him up and rock him again.  I ended up putting him in my sling until my bedtime.  He co-sleeps with us and  I was really hoping to get  a little solo-sleep by putting him in the bassinet.  I put him on the bed for a minute to get the sheets changed on the bassinet and I saw him, eyes closed, little hands just reaching out, searching for someone to connect with.  Baby Zen #1:  Sleeping is just more peaceful when you can feel someone else's heartbeat.

Baby Zen

River is such a Zen little guy.  It's so amazing to watch him watch the world.  Every experience is new and exciting and he just focuses on being in the moment.  He wants what he wants and there's no apologizing for it.  He's not constantly looking for the next thing or overwhelming himself with the hundreds of other things he should be doing.  He appreciates the little things that I do for him as though they were the most amazing acts of human kindness ever bestowed upon another human being in the history of time.  He embodies so much of what I learn from my yoga practice.  He belly breathes.  He meditates (I truly believe he does...he'll focus on one point and get that distant look in his eyes and that slight smile...just like you're supposed to do when you meditate).  He lives in the present moment.  He does the stretches that feel good to him and listens to his body, not trying to fight what it needs.  He sees the good in the world and expects goodness in return.  I find myself paying so much more attention to the little things just because of him.  Slowing down.  Listening.  Being.  He has grounded me and brought me back to earth, quieted my mind, and swelled my heart. 

Posted another article to OffBeat Mama.  Today's writing:
Being the mom of four kids is all about juggling---especially when that fourth child is a newborn.  Here is a list of my "Top 10 things I can do while holding a newborn":
1.  Eat (with everything except chopsticks).
2.  Sleep
3.  Cook up dinner for five.
4.  Vacuum, mop, and perform most of my houswifely duties.
5.  Drop a deuce (not my best moment).
6.  Clean, dry, and fold laundry.
7.  Get three kids breakfasted, dressed, and out to the bus stop.
8.  Take that annoyingly long phone call from the equally annoying neighbor.
9.  Work the apps on my phone.
10.  Write this article :)

There's your challenge, dear reader!  What can you do?
Cousin Val told me about an app for your phone that helps you keep track of your blog.  I just downloaded it.  Maybe now I can upload photos, since my phone has a camera?  We'll see how techie I get tomorrow...

God, I really hate myself for not staying on top of this.  I randomly daydream about posting during the day but something inevitably gets in the way.  I did get an article published in Bay State Parent magazine in MA called "The Gluten Free Kid".  It's a story written from the point of view of a child (my son Triston) about dealing with the realities of Celiacs Disease.  You can read the article at baystateparent.com in the August 2012 issue.
I submitted another posting idea to OffBeat Mama about Baby Blessing Ceremonies.  River is getting big and I want to have a spiritual base for him.  The other three are baptized Catholic, but since I've fallen off with the Catholic church, I'm not sure what to do.  I've seen some beautiful ideas for baby blessing ceremonies online and they seem to match more with my spiritual ideals than a traditional Catholic baptism.  I'm sure my mother is going to choke if she reads this :(
I did find an inspiring moment or two today.  I've found a great way to get my 8 year old to read.  I found an online kids news source that posts articles online.  He was fascinated today by the articles and embedded film clips.  I also got my 10 year old to start his own blog to work on his writing skills.  We had to set some guidelines, but I think he'll do well with it.
Many ideas brewing in the old noggin', just a matter of getting things out....