Who would think that striking balance in your life could be such an elusive goal? I was speaking with a friend a few weeks ago, about the “used-to’s”. You know, the conversations we have as Stay-At-Home-Moms about the things we “used to” do. Juggling a job along with a husband, and children. Writing reports while making dinner. Managing other adults instead of teams of toddlers. But it’s not reminiscing in that “God, I wish I were doing that instead of this” way, but more of a “What the hell happened---where did those skills go?” kind of way.
I am always striving to be present, but have so many places to be present in. My life as a mother. My life as a wife. My place as a writer and creative being. Sometimes I get so depressed, looking at my dog-eared notebook of ideas and story-starters (the dog ears are for the “really good” ideas that I’m really going to do...someday). Most days I’m so utterly exhausted, I don’t think I can read another story, build another train track, wipe another tear away.
I guess, what I’m saying is: How do YOU all do it? You Mama-bloggers and musicians and artists? I feel like it’s something I want to recapture, that part of myself, but I’m at a loss as to how. I thought starting this blog would motivate me (it hasn’t). Every time I sit down to write or paint or play music, I feel this instant guilt. Almost as if my body is crying out for an interruption, my hearing becomes canine-esque in it’s ability to zone in on the slightest unhappiness beckoning for my attention. Is it really as simple as setting aside five minutes a day? Do you hire sitters? Do you involve your children? What do you do when your family constantly interrupts you? Will I ever really find the time to finish all of those half-finished projects in my desk and scattered about my garage?
I’m blessed to have so many inspirational women in my life...so I’m asking you all, how do you do it?
