Twas the Night of Said Christmas

Twas the night of Said Christmas, when all through the house
Every Child was playing, while I snoozed on the couch
The stocking were limp by the chimney; struck bare
stripped of the goodies St. Nick had stashed there

My husband was nestled all snug by my side
while the Christmas lights twinkled on our small tree outside
And Todd in his Polo and I in my dress
sighed heavily, releasing all the holiday stress

When up in the loft there occurred such jovial banter
I had to listen close to see what was the matter
Away to the stairway I flew like the wind
to quietly hide and to listen right in

Triston, Barrett, and Sage were all speaking so sweet
about all of their presents and all of their treats
but their thankfulness was what gave me great pause
for they were looking to write "thank you's" to Dear Santa Claus

They spoke of his kindness and the life he does live
while thinking of others and loving to give
they promised that this rule would be their new calling
to give well to others and help without stalling

Now smiling and sighing, with a lightened warm heart
i crept back to the living-room, to my cozy couch spot
the tree twinkled brightly in the dimly lit room
as i thought to myself, Christmas passes too soon

if only we could capture this kindness all year
would the sad things in life start to all disappear?
if we lead with our hearts, convalesce those in sorrow
could we avoid senseless tragedies in each new tomorrow

perhaps if we think like the babe in the manger
and lend a kind ear to the soul of a stranger
a kind of Christmastime glow would engulf this great land
with goodness and love finally taking a stand

To listen with kindness and to take action when called
might just change the world, even with acts quite small
so as this day of celebration comes to a end
we might reach out one more time and make a new friend

Try to keep Christmas by spirit and heart
with small acts of kindness, it's one way to start
As the end of the day starts to draw near
Try to keep Merry Christmas though out all the Year!

Thanksgiving 2012

Well, the holiday season is officially upon us.  This Thanksgiving was a momentous occasion for our family this year...the first holiday spent in our new home in North Carolina, many miles away from the friends and family that I grew up with.  I can't say that a wistful sigh didn't pass my lips as I busied myself in the kitchen, thinking with a tingle of longing that last year at this time the kids were running, creating havoc with their cousins, with Todd and his brothers talking shop and soccer in the living room and their wives helping me in the kitchen.  This year, I stood alone in my kitchen, whipping up Thanksgiving delights, with only my ipod and the occasional interruption from River to keep me company.  But this holiday was not sad.  Not in the least.  We started to create new memories, new traditions, that I hope will last in the years to come.  The kids and I started a "Thankful" book, where they each had a piece of paper and wrote down what they were thankful for this year.  We will do this each year from now on and I am going to compile them into a book.  It's amazing what they thought of.  There was the usual, being thankful for toys and electronics...but some surprising things too, like family, our country, our soldiers, and life itself.  I'm sure it will be fun to look back on these in years to come.  River enjoyed his own version of Thanksgiving dinner...an organic turkey and squash dinner that Daddy found last night at the store with peaches for dessert.  As I looked around the table today, I couldn't help but think that next year Triston will be in middle school, and River will be a year and a half, and everything will be so different.  But my goal is to stay in the moment, and enjoy the now.  We ended dinner with a family soccer game...the kids beat Todd and I with a score of 8 to 6...they were excited!  So, while we definitely missed our family and loved ones, we know that despite the miles, the love is still there.  I am thankful for our family and the love we have for one another...love that lead to one last "festivus" miracle today in the renewal of a family relationship that had been terribly strained.  When you least expect it, life throws you a new and wonderful turn, and if you're smart, you go with it.  Happy Thanksgiving everyone. 

I can't believe my little Barrett is 9 years old!  How quickly the years have passed!   It was only yesterday that we brought you home from the hospital, taking your picture next to the turkey breast we were having for Thanksgiving, because you were just as small and plump.  You are such a smart and amazing boy.  I can't believe what a terrific soccer player you are!  Your Dad and I are so proud of you and all you do.  You are also such an incredible artist, and your thoughtfulness touches my heart every day.  Enjoy this last year as a "single digit", enjoy the wonder and magic that still surround you.  Have a wonderful  birthday and a wonderful year celebrating all of your new accomplishments.  I love you so much! 
Love,
Mom

Dear Todd,

I always knew I was going to marry you...when I was little I named my dog Todd because I knew that was going to be the name of the prince that was going to marry me and take me away forever and make me the happiest girl on earth.  Through my awkward teen years and my turbulent twenties, I never lost hope that I would find you...while ours was surely not a fairytale meeting (drunk off our asses at the world's cheesiest night club), it was meant to be.  I truly believe there are no coincidences.  We were both there by chance that night and I almost lost your number in the parking lot.  Then there was Rob answering the phone and me being over an hour late to our first date.  Persistence has been the theme of our relationship and I believe it keeps us going.  We want to believe in each other.  We do believe in each other.  Each time an obstacle comes our way, we take each others hands and bravely face the dragon head on.  In eleven years we have had four children, moved five times, lived with family, gone through jobs, friends, and pets.  Each time a problem pops up, you are the first person that I run to because I know that with you by my side, I can face anything.  I love raising our children with you, I love the life that we have together, and most of all, I love you.  You are my sun and moon and stars, you make my life beautiful.  I have always loved you, and I always will.  Happy Eleventh Anniversary!

Family Dynamics

                                                                
Family is a fickle entity, you can never predict what relationships will thrive and which will unravel.  This past year saw an end to some of my familial relationships and a new beginning with others.  I always wanted to have a big family, envying those commercials of  big families around the holiday dinner table.  I wanted my kids to have oodles of cousins and those great aunts that kiss you on the cheek with their bright red lipstick while knocking you out with their overwhelming perfume.  But circumstances have dictated otherwise, and Todd and I are soon to find ourselves alone in Charlotte.  At first I was really upset, but the more that I think about it, the more OK I am.  I am simply going to build, from the ground up, the type of family I always wanted to have.  Todd and I already have a strong relationship with our children (so I'm really hoping we don't get the "nursing home" treatment...) and my marriage is equally strong.  I have a strong sense of tradition and we already have lots of little traditions concerning the holidays that the kids all look forward to.  While I was extremely sad to learn that our treasured Christmas decorations were lost in the move, I have decided to look forward to a wonderful time creating new memories and new keepsakes with the kids.  I'm looking forward and seeing our family grow and having the kids celebrate holidays with their wives and husbands with Todd and I, all together, just like the commercials.  And that thought comforts me.

Baby Zen #2: Smiles can work Miracles.

Battling post-partum emotions isn't exactly a cake walk, especially when those emotions are compounded by bipolar disorder.  My moods have been shifting so erratically that I can hardly keep up with my own mind.  One thing that amazes me though, is how River is so incredibly in tune with what I'm feeling.  I don't know if it's the breastfeeding or just how much time we spend together, but whenever I am feeling hopeless or lost he seems to recognize that and smothers me with extra big smiles and happy coos.  No matter how bad I am feeling, there's something about that two-tooth grin that lifts me up from my darkest moments.  Baby Zen #2:  Smiles can work miracles.

To Sage on the Eve of her Seventh Birthday...

Dear Sage,
When you wake up in the morning you will be my big 7 year old girl!  It's amazing how quickly time has flown by...just yesterday I was holding you on my hip, you with your fountain in your hair and that cute little pout.  You are growing into such a character!  You sing and dance for me and make me laugh with your corny jokes.  You are such a great reader and you do so well in school!  All of the teachers love you and you are starting to make friends in our new home in NC.  I am nervous about throwing your first birthday here in our new home...I want it to go perfectly for you!  I want you to know that no matter what the year ahead holds for us, that your Dad and I are so proud of you and we couldn't be happier to have you as our daughter.  You are a star, sweetheart...I love to watch you shine!
Love,
Mom and Dad

I've always found September to be kind of a cathartic month.  The start of Autumn.  The start of school.  Saying good-bye to seemingly endless summers and another year of childhood.  This year seems especially poignant.  River turned 4 months yesterday and I already find myself mourning his babyhood.  He's not my little newborn anymore, all small and wrinkled and old-man like.  He's blossoming into infant-hood and has a personality all his own.  I sometimes feel overwhelmed by all of the things I promised myself I would do this time around...send out official welcoming announcements, preserve his footprint in plaster, document every day of his life with a journal or photo.   Lately, it's all that I can do to make sure that everyone is clean and fed by the end of the day!  Sage is also going to first grade and is no longer my "baby".   First grade is the start of homework and spelling and math and a classroom with desks and no longer tables and play centers.  Barrett and Triston are getting older too, this is Triston's last year of elementary school.  He'll be off to middle school next year and is already planning on riding his bike and going to the store on his own.  This is probably the last year that all of the kids will believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.  Somehow, I just never figured this would happen.  I watched other families grow and their children get older, but somehow I always thought in the back of my mind that my kids would stay...little.   With summer coming to a close, I guess I'm just feeling overly sentimental over everything.  I just want to hold onto them with all of my mama-power and keep them snuggled and innocent and small.  River, don't grow up too fast.  I'm just not ready yet.

Baby Zen #1: Sleeping is just more peaceful when you can feel someone else's heartbeat.

Yesterday I was overwhelmed with the minutia of everyday life and getting three kids dinner while River was overtired and ready for bed.  I kept trying to put him down to sleep in his bassinet.  Each time I did, he would start screaming a second later, so I would pick him up and rock him again.  I ended up putting him in my sling until my bedtime.  He co-sleeps with us and  I was really hoping to get  a little solo-sleep by putting him in the bassinet.  I put him on the bed for a minute to get the sheets changed on the bassinet and I saw him, eyes closed, little hands just reaching out, searching for someone to connect with.  Baby Zen #1:  Sleeping is just more peaceful when you can feel someone else's heartbeat.

Baby Zen

River is such a Zen little guy.  It's so amazing to watch him watch the world.  Every experience is new and exciting and he just focuses on being in the moment.  He wants what he wants and there's no apologizing for it.  He's not constantly looking for the next thing or overwhelming himself with the hundreds of other things he should be doing.  He appreciates the little things that I do for him as though they were the most amazing acts of human kindness ever bestowed upon another human being in the history of time.  He embodies so much of what I learn from my yoga practice.  He belly breathes.  He meditates (I truly believe he does...he'll focus on one point and get that distant look in his eyes and that slight smile...just like you're supposed to do when you meditate).  He lives in the present moment.  He does the stretches that feel good to him and listens to his body, not trying to fight what it needs.  He sees the good in the world and expects goodness in return.  I find myself paying so much more attention to the little things just because of him.  Slowing down.  Listening.  Being.  He has grounded me and brought me back to earth, quieted my mind, and swelled my heart. 

Posted another article to OffBeat Mama.  Today's writing:
Being the mom of four kids is all about juggling---especially when that fourth child is a newborn.  Here is a list of my "Top 10 things I can do while holding a newborn":
1.  Eat (with everything except chopsticks).
2.  Sleep
3.  Cook up dinner for five.
4.  Vacuum, mop, and perform most of my houswifely duties.
5.  Drop a deuce (not my best moment).
6.  Clean, dry, and fold laundry.
7.  Get three kids breakfasted, dressed, and out to the bus stop.
8.  Take that annoyingly long phone call from the equally annoying neighbor.
9.  Work the apps on my phone.
10.  Write this article :)

There's your challenge, dear reader!  What can you do?
Cousin Val told me about an app for your phone that helps you keep track of your blog.  I just downloaded it.  Maybe now I can upload photos, since my phone has a camera?  We'll see how techie I get tomorrow...

God, I really hate myself for not staying on top of this.  I randomly daydream about posting during the day but something inevitably gets in the way.  I did get an article published in Bay State Parent magazine in MA called "The Gluten Free Kid".  It's a story written from the point of view of a child (my son Triston) about dealing with the realities of Celiacs Disease.  You can read the article at baystateparent.com in the August 2012 issue.
I submitted another posting idea to OffBeat Mama about Baby Blessing Ceremonies.  River is getting big and I want to have a spiritual base for him.  The other three are baptized Catholic, but since I've fallen off with the Catholic church, I'm not sure what to do.  I've seen some beautiful ideas for baby blessing ceremonies online and they seem to match more with my spiritual ideals than a traditional Catholic baptism.  I'm sure my mother is going to choke if she reads this :(
I did find an inspiring moment or two today.  I've found a great way to get my 8 year old to read.  I found an online kids news source that posts articles online.  He was fascinated today by the articles and embedded film clips.  I also got my 10 year old to start his own blog to work on his writing skills.  We had to set some guidelines, but I think he'll do well with it.
Many ideas brewing in the old noggin', just a matter of getting things out....

I browsed some blogs today for the first time...wow, does mine need work!  It's amazing what people are doing, all the pictures and links and so much information.  If I am going to keep this up, I've really got to step up my game.  I am pledging now to go full force into the bloggosphere and really amp up my contribution!  Stay tuned!

Once again, I'm falling out of practice with blog writing.  I do have good news.  One of my submissions to an online blog was published and better yet has gotten a lot of chatter going.  One of the stories I wrote about my son having Celiac Disease is being published in a magazine in Massachusetts in August.  I have some new ideas for new books that I did manage to get written down (just as ideas) so that I don't go and forget them.  I feel like if I just had a block of time that I could sit and write, I would get a lot done.  I just need to be better about managing my time.  I did get the kids out for a walk today, mostly to get the boys training for soccer, but also to get my own butt moving.  I want to get everyone on a schedule...maybe waking up, walking, then some writing time for me while the baby takes his morning nap.  It seems to be one thing to think of these ideas, and another to put them into practice :(

Shot down today on a submission to a  blogging website, but I dusted myself off and submitted again.  Sent an inquiry to a major company about publishing one of my children's books.  I really want to go this weekend and get some art supplies to get some of these thoughts out of my head and onto canvas.  Saw some cool things on Pinterest too to try to replicate and help decorate our new home.  Feeling kind of creatively blocked.  I have a lot of ideas but can't seem to get them out of my head and onto the proverbial paper.  Spent most of the day feeling frustrated and watching Murder, She Wrote on tv.  Meh.

I've got to find a way to weed out the various ongoing train wrecks in my life.  These people sap my energy, physically, mentally, and spiritually.  I have that unfortunate trait that I immediately take on the pain and anguish of said individual and spend countless hours devising plans for said individual to get out of their situation, to the detriment of anything I can/could/should be working on.  My mind becomes consumed with thoughts that are really pointless, because in the end, they do what they want to do anyway.  I have so many things that should be pirating my time, I certainly don't need my self-indulgent brother in law or my nutcase neighbor weighing in on things.  Alas, I'm sure this will not change because I am very slow to put my foot down.  Did get some yoga done today (in between bursts of cluster-nursing by my son) and a bit of writing.  Found an awesome spell checker online (since I don't have Word, which is a real pain in the ass).  Hooray for the internet!

I have GOT to figure out how to upload pictures to these things.  Dinner tonight was spectacularly healthy...terryaki glazed chicken, cherry and mixed green salad, and rice.  Time to take this housewife thing seriously and bring results!  Healthy meals!  Got some serious writing done today (thank you yoga!) and managed to get hubby's ironing done as well.  Made it through today by breaking out an old mantra (from Seinfield) "Serenity Now!".  I forgot how much fun I used to have spouting that off when my three older children were babies.  Now I'm breakin' it out for baby River!  The kids laughed when they heard it..I guess they remember.  Also got the "drug talk" that I've been after my husband to do DONE with my 10 year old...he's been hanging around with middle schoolers and I just think I'd better nip things in the bud.  Feeling super energized and teeming with creative ideas.  Almost took a detour to the art supply store with four unhappy car-weary children, but thought the better of it.  Maybe tomorrow.  Have some great ideas for turquoise and red.  Maybe revamp the livingroom?  Serenity now!!!!!

Trying to get my self on a schedule.  When River went down for a nap, I broke out the yoga mat and got in 15 minutes of yoga (while Sage practiced reading to me) before a quick shower, obligatory phone calls made, then trying to fit in a little writing before River wakes back up.  Also need to hit the library to get the kids on their summer reading (and me too) and a trip to Baskin Robbins for bubblegum ice cream.  I'm hoping the yoga quiets my mind so that I can concentrate on getting things done.  Here's to hoping!

This is turning out to be more difficult to do than I thought.  I think about writing every day.  I jot down idea notes.  But sitting down and writing?  Nope.  By the time I get the baby down for a nap and take a shower, half of the day is gone . Then there is all of the laundry and chores to do, ironing, etc..  This is really ridiculous, but I used to watch "Murder, She Wrote" with my grandmother growing up.  I've started watching it again, just because I do get inspiration from the character, Jessica Fletcher.  She carves time out of her day to write and takes it seriously, like a job.  That's what I need to do.  Treat this like a job.  Set times to work on my writing and research for publishing.  Now that I have a few minutes right now, I am going to check out publishing websites. 

Well, the afternoon did not go as plan.  As soon as I signed off, the baby woke up.  Then my daughter took my laptop to play online games.  My son spilled red Gatorade on our white carpet and the laundry had to be done.  That said, I did get a small amount of research done.  I've decided to go down an established list of editor/publishers and submit to each one at a time.  I found my first publishing house that is accepting manuscripts (I'm going in alphabetical order, although I was thinking maybe I should start with the "z"s?).  Tomorrow I need to get ink, print, and mail off one of my stories.

Motivation

I've been trying to carve out time for my writing, yoga, art, and music but none of it is happening on a regular basis.  My thinking is that if I blog about the process and my progress in these areas, I might just accomplish something.  Today's goals?  Just to start this blog.  This seems to be an accomplish-oriented day, since I have a) started this blog and b) finally sent that baby shower gift to my cousin Valery (her baby shower was May 20th).  The baby is napping right now, so if I throw some laundry in the washer and turn the tv off, I just might get some writing done.